I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
