ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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