I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
