Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
