have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
