omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
