Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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