I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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