You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize