He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
