maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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