R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
