Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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