My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
