Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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