I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
