Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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