Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
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