I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
