i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
