dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Randomize
