Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
