Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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