my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
