They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
