umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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