She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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