idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
