I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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