she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
