Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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