I didn't shave. On purpose
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
