im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
