if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
