I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
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I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
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I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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