Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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