i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Your penis caused this!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
