I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
