who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
