Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
