she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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