is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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