i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Are we still banned from the library?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
