Duck Duck Cougar?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
