Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
