I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
