I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
this just has baby written all over it
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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