what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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