I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
