they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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