This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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