Please, let me fuck your mom
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
