I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
