Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
