Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
