I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
