I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
