Who wears a wallet chain?!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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