I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
