I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
