Yo dont text me then not text me
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
