Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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