when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
