she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
zippers are such a cool invention
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize