She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
