It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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