Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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