I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
ttyl tear gas
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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