I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
