You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
