He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
