I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
