Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
