Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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