he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I cut my penus on the lid.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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