Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
