You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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