I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
