and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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