there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
