I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
