I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
