The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
