I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
