I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
