Well apparently he's into motor boating.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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